Sep 5, 2006

The idols of my heart

I long to be a mother. I want to have kids so badly. It's been an obsession of mine for a couple of years now. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting for that day to come, and while I am waiting, God is cutting off the dead branches from my heart.

I guess you could say I have caused myself to become a slave to this yearning. I never really thought about it like that before, but while I was trying to find a verse to help me quit smoking, God reminded me of Romans 6:16:

"Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness"
My obsession with getting pregnant had become my master. It's what I think about, what I long for, what I hope for, and what I wait for. Isn't the desire as a Christian the deisire to know Christ and obey Him? Not my earthly wants?

This is just crazy to me!! I like to think my master is only God, but so often, I obey the lusts of my heart. Idolatry does not only mean worshipping a "golden calf" but it also means obeying "your desires" over God's commands; it means loving yourself & anything else more than you love God. Jesus told us,


Praise God that He reveals these sins in our lives, so that we can repent and refocus our eyes back to the cross! Every single day and every single moment must be done with our eyes upon the cross. It's so easy to follow the desires of our hearts, the ones that turn our eyes from the Lord. Praise God that He is faithful and as He grows in us, He turns our hearts more and more toward Him and away from ourselves.

Obviously, "All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose" -Romans 8:28. Apparently, for my own good, I am not pregnant. How easy it is for me to forget that God is perfect and His will is working out for my good! Even if that means I never have kids, it is His perfect will for me! This longing I have in my heart needs to be replaced with a longing for Him!

Sometimes I sit here, completely amazed by God's grace. Even though I do not understand all of His ways, I know they are perfect, I know they are merciful and I know they are working out for my good.

To God be the glory, forever and ever.


Stan said...

Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Ps 37:4).

It's a marvelous promise. The more you delight yourself in the Lord, the more your desires conform to His, and giving them to you will bring glory to Him. Since we are commanded to "be fruitful and multiply", and since you are clearly delighting more and more in the Lord, I suspect He'll give you the desire of your heart to be a mommy ... at just the right time.

So ... how is that "quitting smoking" thing coming? =)

Samantha said...

Thank you for that verse! That certainly brings comfort to me.

As far as the smoking thing, it's been 14 days and counting since my last one! :D Praise God!