I guess you could say I have caused myself to become a slave to this yearning. I never really thought about it like that before, but while I was trying to find a verse to help me quit smoking, God reminded me of Romans 6:16:
"Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness"My obsession with getting pregnant had become my master. It's what I think about, what I long for, what I hope for, and what I wait for. Isn't the desire as a Christian the deisire to know Christ and obey Him? Not my earthly wants?
This is just crazy to me!! I like to think my master is only God, but so often, I obey the lusts of my heart. Idolatry does not only mean worshipping a "golden calf" but it also means obeying "your desires" over God's commands; it means loving yourself & anything else more than you love God. Jesus told us,
"YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND"
Praise God that He reveals these sins in our lives, so that we can repent and refocus our eyes back to the cross! Every single day and every single moment must be done with our eyes upon the cross. It's so easy to follow the desires of our hearts, the ones that turn our eyes from the Lord. Praise God that He is faithful and as He grows in us, He turns our hearts more and more toward Him and away from ourselves.
Obviously, "All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose" -Romans . Apparently, for my own good, I am not pregnant. How easy it is for me to forget that God is perfect and His will is working out for my good! Even if that means I never have kids, it is His perfect will for me! This longing I have in my heart needs to be replaced with a longing for Him!
Sometimes I sit here, completely amazed by God's grace. Even though I do not understand all of His ways, I know they are perfect, I know they are merciful and I know they are working out for my good.To God be the glory, forever and ever.