I have felt undeserving of God's mercy these past two weeks. Why would God want to hear my pleas, when I've been sinning against Him so grievously? Trying to repent of lust and greed and vanity....how could I possibly think that God would allow me to approach His mercy seat?
I didn't want to read my bible. I didn't want to pray. I didn't want to go to church or try this "Christianity" thing any longer. "It's just too hard!" I thought. I looked at other Christians and thought, "I'm not like them. I don't have the strength to fight these sins any longer."
And just as I was ready to give up, I heard Sunday's sermon, where God shattered my heart. The Gospel. The Gospel! How easily I forgot. I remembered that I couldn't do anything to make myself right with God. That was the work of Christ on the cross. I couldn't be perfect, that is why Christ had to come. My righteousness was filthy and ragged, which is why I needed Christ's righteousness applied to mine.
It is so easy to be deceived, isn't it? We say we do not believe in works-righteousness, but we walk around feeling guilty when we feel like we've sinned more than we usually do. Should we not feel just as wretched by telling one lie, than telling four? Our understanding of sin needs to be cross-centered. The realities of it is that every single sin is against Christ. When we sin, it reminds us of why we need a Savior. And while it may be easy to feel guilty and mope around, we need to remember that when we are saved, every sin....past, present and future has been forgiven. We now have the ability to live for Him! We can immediately confess our sins and turn back to Him! We are now always forgiven, always accepted....not by our own doing, but by His!
Isn't that amazing?
Always Forgiven: JonRyan
I don’t deserve to be Your servant
And how much less to be Your child
Anger and wrath, sure condemnation
Should be my portion, my just reward
Never have seen it, never will know it
Your loving kindness enfolds my life
All You have shown me is
Grace, love and mercy
Now and forever I am Your child
Freely You pour out
Your loving kindness
Father of grace
You welcome me in
All of the sin I have committed
Was placed upon Your righteous Son
And now You see me through His perfection
As if I’d never done any wrong
Always forgiven, always accepted
No fear of judgment before Your throne