My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 3.5 years. It has been difficult, especially when I see moms with their kids, or families at church, women that are pregnant....it has definitely caused a great deal of sin in my heart.
If only I could be totally satisfied with Christ. I know I can be, and should be, but at times I feel so jipped. So many women today are getting abortions, or are terrible mothers, and here I am, a woman who has this godly desire to be pregnant, but God has not opened my womb! It makes me want to scream and throw myself on the floor.
I've tried bargaining with God too. "LORD, if you allow me to get pregnant, I promise I will train our child in godliness!"
"I'll be submissive! I'll read my bible everyday!"
"I'll be a better woman!"
How quickly I have forgotten the Gospel!!
In every situation, I've been exhorted to ask, "How can I apply the Gospel to this situation?"
Well, first and foremost, I deserve nothing but hell. For that reason alone, I should be rejoicing every single moment of every single day that God loved me with a great love, so great that He sent His Son to die for my sins! And not just some of my sins, but in fact, the very sin of desiring a baby more than Christ.
And for Christians, during these trials, we have so much more hope than the unregenerate man. Our inheritance is not here, where moth and rust destroy, but in heaven. And every time we are awakened to see our sin more clearly, we know that we can repent of it and turn our eyes back on Christ!
Praise God that His Spirit awakens me to see the corruption of my heart.