I have a huge problem with pride. I want to be right, I want people think I’m smart, I want to sound smart and I want people to like me because I’m smart. Stupid, isn’t it. So when my husband started questioning some of my beliefs, I got really mad. And it wasn’t justified anger; it was prideful anger, the kind that leads to sin. I wanted him to believe ME more than I wanted him to believe God's truth.
Pride is something I am constantly battling. And what’s hilarious is that sometimes I don’t even recognize it. For instance, we were at a prayer meeting and all I could think was, “Everyone’s looking at me. They all think I’m ugly.” And instead of turning from those thoughts, I walked out of the church and sat in my car until it was over.
I’ve had a history of panic attacks and I am very afraid of people. One of the first verses I memorized was Isaiah 2:22 “Stop regarding man, whose breath of life is in his nostrils; for why should he be esteemed?”
I was speaking with my friend about this. Remember how Nathan rebuked David? I know that God rebukes and instructs us not only through His Word, but also through His children. She said, “Why do we think, “Everyone must be looking at me” Why would they be? What makes us think that we are so special that everyone must be looking at us? Do you realize it’s an inward form of pride?”
I hadn’t. And the very reason God gave her the grace to say that to me is worthy of His praise. Sometimes we sit around feeling sorry for ourselves, thinking we just need more esteem to be a better follower of Christ. Hopefully you realize that that’s not the truth. The truth is, the only confidence we need is in Christ. And when we start sulking and trying to esteem “me” we put ourselves in front of Christ. And this is a very dangerous thing to do!