Apr 27, 2006

One More Time, Please?

I liked this article:

Girl Meets God: Melissa Matthews (www.studylight.org/gmg)

I have a confession of sorts this week. It's kind-of unbelievable, so hang on to your jaw. And if you see me this week- don't laugh.

Sometimes when I come home from work after an arduous day trying to control the behavior of 132 9th graders, I pull up in my driveway hoping to see something at my front door. It could be any number of things: a UPS package; an arrangement of flowers; an envelope with a gift certificate.

And, you guessed it-- that hardly ever, never, materializes.

Then, I find the mailbox key and go check the mail. Once again, I'm not looking for bills or grocery ads, but for something wonderful and amazing: a check for lots of money from nowhere; a letter from my favorite college friend; a contract from a major publisher.

And you guessed it-- nothing is there but bills, credit card applications, and grocery ads.

Then, I sit down at the computer and check my email. Surely I've gotten some special, personal letter from someone in the midst of the thousand pieces of junk mail that deluge my inbox. I delete carefully and more slowly than necessary lest I delete this exceptional email telling me how loved and wonderful I am.

And again-- weight-loss ads and urban-legend-forwards are all I find.

Sometimes I wonder where I get such crazy expectations, though there have been a few surprises over the years that make my optimism somewhat reasonable. Once, the bank sent us the title to our new Suburban because someone had gone into the bank and paid off the loan. Last year, Scott's grandmother sent me flowers when I found out I had dormant TB. Every so often, I get the sweetest emails at work from Scott.

But this constant nagging to know I'm loved and special is unreasonable. Why should there be constant gifts and continuous accolades restating what I already know. I don't need packages or bouquets or emails to say what scripture has already said: "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

Whether my day has been a display of superb performance, or one that has reaffirmed my status as sinner, God has already demonstrated his love for me—Christ died for me. No repeat performance will be granted, so why do I keep asking? I've been given complete forgiveness and eternal life. What else is there?

So tomorrow, when I swing my big, green suburban into the driveway, I'll remember the package is already there.


Annette Burkett said...

What an awesome post and a great reminder!

Sonya C. Triggs said...

I feel exactly the same way that you do. I have a P.O. Box (as well as my home address), and every time I go there, I'm looking for something. And, like you, I've received good things in the mail before, but lately all I've seen are bills, magazine subscriptions and work-related stuff. I check my email religiously, text messages, and voice mail. And, very rarely do I ask myself - what the heck am I looking for?

You hit the nail right on the head - it's the attention I'm after. The idea that someone, somewhere thought of me, just when I was beginning to feel ignored, neglected and unimportant. Sometimes the hardest part about being a Christian (for me) is how my identity has begun to fade as I plug more and more into the dynamic of helping others. But isn't that what it's really all about?

I'm still trying to figure it out, but if you find out, please let me know :)